Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
