woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
