physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
