Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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