Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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