I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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