Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
