4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
