We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
