yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
