I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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