i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
