The maid of honor just puked.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
