Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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