I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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