I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize