What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
