respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
