you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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