Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
