And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
