so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
