Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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