my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
