2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
