i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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