I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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