i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
