Nicole vs. Life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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