There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
