Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
