I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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