The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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