moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
