I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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