ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
