Soap is not a condiment
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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