Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
