were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
