I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
