Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
