yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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