I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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