VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
