And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
