You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
