Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
