OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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