I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize