you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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