I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
