I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
