homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
