he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
