...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
