i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
