apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize