we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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