my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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