Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
