What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize