Acid is not a monday night drug
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
