so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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