are you so shy because you have an std?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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