he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Randomize
