We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
