Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
