also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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