my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize