i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
