It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
