I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
