I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
