The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
