sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and she was petting her beer can
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
