I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
