after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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