I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize