Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
