I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
