he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
