Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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