there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
