im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
