she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
