mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Couch. On fire.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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