listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
