ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
