Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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