I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
