I would go down on you faster than GM stock
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
