Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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