his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
