when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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