so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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