shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
