Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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