why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
