Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
