did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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