Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize