You can't special order awesome
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
