if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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