just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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