I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
