ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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