There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize