Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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