I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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