Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
