why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
