I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
